A MAN

An alter of boyhood and manhood ,forged in silence

A MAN.

No one teaches you how to become one. Life corners you into it by loss ,desire , pain , pressure and expectations.

A man is formed in rooms no one enters . Where prayers are whispered and not shouted , where hungers sharpens his discipline, where his thoughts flood and tears become a waterfall.

Truth be told ;the world is hard on men. The expectations that have to be met are curved into a man since childhood way before he knows the costs.

A 17 year old boy in Congo holds a gun ,his purpose you ask ? “Protect my mother and sisters”

A 20 year old boy hasn’t had a proper good night sleep ever since he joined campus because he is trying to do something nobody in his family has ever done ;Graduate

An athlete has worked out so much till his bones crack ,his mental health declines but he pushes forward …he is doing it for his grandma and little brother

I could go into detail about the different kind of men who are out here. All with different purposes and burdens in life.

Boyhood believes strength is noise Manhood learns power is restraint.

Looking back in my life ,I’ve had my fair share of failures and successes.

There were times I wasn’t the “man” I always want to be.I’ve hurt people , disrespected good people and now when I think about it …I wasn’t the man I’ve always had in my head and it’s a lot …it weighs heavy on me.

But if there’s some things I’m learning (I can’t say I’m a perfect man …I’m only 20 and there’s still so much for me out there to learn)

I’m learning being a man is ENDURANCE

It’s being ready to go into storms for the ones you love but most importantly for yourself

It’s carrying weight but still choosing your purpose

It’s to choose to control yourself and aim for something that you want with your heart

It’s you not letting a hard time humble you

It’s not letting a hard time turn you into something you aren’t ,a bitter and cruel person

It’s being a shield for the ones who you love and being the sun light for those who are always hiding in the dark

I’m learning that being a man is also control your DESIRES

In a world overflowing with temptation. Men face different challenges …

It could be

Alcohol

sex

smoking

violence

And many others

I believe being a man is to control these desires and not allow them to consume us. Controlling your desire doesn’t kill your fire ,it makes you master it and turn it into light that helps guide you and not flames that destroys everything around you.

Uncontrolled desires put us in our own prison. A prison that you as a man might never leave , a prison with a small window to show you what you could’ve become if you just took control of yourself. One day you might be in too deep to even leave because the shackles feel permanent.

We’ve seen evil desires take down great men in our lives and throughout history.

I’m learning that being a man is also being ACCOUNTABLE

A man being accountable is when a man stops negotiating with his own excuses.

It’s one of the hardest things a man can do.

Naturally as men, we love the easy way out …

“just say yes and the argument ends”

“Ignore the complaints of those around you and maybe they’ll stop “

“It wasn’t even my fault ,it was the other guy”

“My trauma led me to be this way”

Accountability as a man is the quiet decision to say “This is on me “

Accountability is that apology that you owe someone

By accountability I also don’t mean only to the ones around you but also to ourselves.

Holding ourselves accountable in what we say and do

Holding yourself accountable as a man is looking at your bad habits , your wounds. If we choose to ignore these things they will be tattoos on us for the rest of our lives

Accountability is not self hatred ,it’s self respect

It’s looking at your failures without flinching ,naming where you are weak and learning from it

It’s growing from them and making sure you walk with your head high

Accountability is putting ego to the side and admitting your faults

I’m learning being a man is being MASCULINE

Masculinity is not domination ,it’s not violence ,its not control ,it’s not being rude

Masculinity is responsibility , its stewardship, its kindness , its discipline and its direction

Masculinity is understanding your body is a vessel .

Masculinity is understanding your sexuality is not shameful. It is sacred energy meant to create , protect and build

Masculinity is realizing no one is gonna come save you but that doesn’t mean you can’t save others

Masculinity is being the light that someone else needs in the dark

Masculinity is you not giving despair power. It’s using knowledge as a backbone

Masculinity is choosing what must be done rather than what is easy

It’s the ability to hold weight without being cruel

Masculinity is governing yourself in the right direction

Masculinity is not denying softness ,it’s placing it under structure

It’s keeping your word even if it costs you

Being masculine is not how hard you look but it’s how safe ,solid and reliable you can be to those around you

In all being a man is tough

A man is never done , a man is always becoming

A man knows when to keep fighting , when to walk away , when to speak , when to be silent , when to hold his loved ones gently and when to hold himself firmly

Most importantly

A man knows when to ask for help,

; not because he is weak or afraid

But because he is strong enough to know he has a limit.

When the fantasy of a warrior fades away and he realizes he is nothing but a human

A man knows when to not go beyond his limit

He knows when to allow others to guide him as well. He knows when to admit he is heading in the wrong direction and he needs guidance

A man knows when to admit that discipline alone isn’t enough

He knows that being a man sometimes means YOU KNOW NOTHING AT ALL

The moment a man drops his ego something sacred happens

A cycle breaks ,isolation is interrupted, it breaks the lie that suffering has to be solitary.

It shows men that strength was never meant to be hoarded, it is meant to be shared ,multiplied and shared

It saves so many men from SUICIDE

It changes the lie that endurance is invisibility

Being led does not erase leadership.

In the end, a man is not measured by how much he endured in silence

He is measured by how truthfully he lived once he stopped hiding

By the weight of his word

By the discipline of his choices

By the courage it took to ask for help, to take responsibility, and to rise again

Manhood is not loud.

It is lasting.

Sending love from my corner of the world 🌍❤️

~Jeremiah Muiru