Let the light in

Leaving the dark without erasing it …

Negativity. One of my biggest enemies.

For a long time I lived in constant negativity, it was my way of preparing for a hard time, protecting my heart and bracing for future pain

“A pessimist” my friends would call me anytime I let my negativity control my life decisions.

But I know I’m not the only one.

I always found being optimistic so difficult…to me it was like letting my guard down and allowing life to do whatever it wanted. I always wondered optimistic people functioned , do they just stay happy and hope for the best ?

For me negativity was like …a safety net…I didn’t expect much and when much didn’t happen…I was happy.

I felt safe.

Negativity often finds us when we are tired. Long day at school, had an argument with your friends ,parents ,partner.

The negativity never rushes, it doesn’t require explanations or a performative act

It sits quietly beside you and gives you false understanding.

Thats why I always say people often find so much comfort in their sadness , sad movies and sad music.

These are places negativity thrives.

But we are human and I can’t blame someone for being a bit too negative at times. Sometimes that’s the only form of comfort they have.

Negativity lets people rest but it’s a rest without restoration. Stillness that slowly turns into stagnation.

Understanding slowly turns into confinement.

The more time we spend in this negative space, the more it shapes who we are ,how we see life and it dictates everything. We stop feeling broken ,we become broken in our own eyes. We shrink our expectations and live a life with little joy and we call it “maturity”. We learn to lower our desires and goals so disappointments wouldn’t hurt as much.

Negativity understood the sadness and it fed it !

But we can’t live that way.

We can’t live a life dictated by our past trauma and pain.

When we pull back the curtain and let a little bit of the light in …we can finally realize that not everything is so bad.

I learnt this first hand…as someone who was so so negative about life

When I decided to give positivity a try I was surprised…I felt a bit of warmth ,understanding and most of all; I felt hopeful again.

I felt like I could try something new and it would work, I felt like I could try again and it would work. I stopped feeling that heavy feeling in my chest.

Leaving a negative space isn’t easy though. Trust me I know, It isn’t clean , immediate or permanent either. At first it feels like betrayal to a version of yourself that had carried you through dark days.

It feels like letting go of those parts of us is dishonoring what we went through. It’s like this new positivity is pretending the pain never mattered.

But positivity didn’t come to erase your darkness. It came to shape you beyond that darkness.

At first ,it’s foreign, uncomfortable and even suspicious.

Positivity asks for more. It asks you to be more present than protected

It asks you to feel deeply instead of numbing

It asks you to hope without guarantee

It doesn’t understand your sadness the way negativity did but it respects your future.

Letting positivity into my life felt like opening windows and doors in a dark house.

It was weird at first but refreshing later.

The light showed me so many habits about myself that I normalized thoughts I rehearsed ,wounds that I wrapped my identity around ,self destructive tendencies and how much I had reduced my ambition and myself.

The growth hurt ,mostly because it required honesty and honesty strips comfort away to give clarity.

I still kept being positive and with that I found myself wanting to do more …

I interacted with others in a more positive tone, I became intentional with my own goals and friendships and relationship, I was more confident, I felt magnetic ,I was more curious about things around me ,I could see a brighter future in my life , I was more serious about my boundaries and held myself accountable,I gave my energy where I felt it was being reciprocated,I made more friends and found myself in spaces that are filled with radiant people and above all I feel like I’ve been moving in the right direction.

I know, it sounds tiring right ???

But it isn’t …it’s refreshing ,it’s relaxing and it’s finally you taking back control of yourself.

Some days I do find myself back in a negative space , but I have so much to be grateful for now and that little taste of positivity will have you wanting more you won’t even stay in that negative zone any longer.

I taught myself to observe and not consume.

A positive space doesn’t mean constant happiness , everything is okay and no problems. It’s choosing not to let pain define the architecture of your life. It’s allowing pain and grief to pass by without letting it settle permanently.

I think we just need to realize that positivity doesn’t change our pasts.

It just changed our posture towards the future.

Sending love from my corner of the world 🌍 ❤️

~Jeremiah Muiru